10.07.05
happy frozen tundra friday!
it is absolutely freezing today! two days ago it was 85 and now it is close to 50! insane!!!
my body is so fatigued from all the exercise. i've gone to the gym everyday this week. today will not be an exception. i'm not really all that sore but i feel tired. i even went to bed early (10pm) last night because i was so exhausted. besides that... husband is out of town so there was no point in being up late.
the curiouoso story ended with him posting a personal e-mail from my sister in his notes. she got quite pissed off, e-mailed him, and then e-mailed me three times. turns out there are people on the internet only interested in stirring the pot of shit! *gasp*
that's what i get for posting a link to anything dealing with my real life. lesson learned... chalk that one up to experience.
i don't truly hate my sister... or my mother for that fact. i don't really hate anyone. i am very very hurt by both women and very angry at both women. it would be different if they weren't so accessible to me. my mother lives mere blocks from me and my sister is a close second. it would be easier to block out all that goes on with them if i wasn't in such close proximity to them.
i understand that the rotted journal is all drama. how could it not be? after what happened to start it there was no way around it.
i think i've stated before... not in this journal tho'... that this is my place to vent. this is where i shit out all the toxic sludge from my brain. it's going to be self-absorbed and dramatic. if you don't like it... don't read it. additionally, just because i'm this dramatic in my journal where there are no holds barred... does in no way indicate that i'm that dramatic in real life. i don't think anyone's journal is a true to life representation. how could it be? unless one day logged all the time. i rarely day log... i usually write about whatever is pressing at my mind when i sit down and look at the little white box.
my journal is my internalized view of my problems. everyone's problems are bigger and badder in their head than outside of it... let's be honest here.
sure... i've got issues... last year all those issues came to a head and i was dealing with dramatic bullshit almost every day.
how many of you can say that you've been so seriously betrayed by someone so close to you? if you can raise your hand to that then you should understand... if you can't raise your hand to that then you should have some empathy. if you cannot have empathy for that then you shouldn't read here.
besides all those validated points... sometimes drama is just plain fun. it gives us a reprieve from our own life and drama. i watch "laguna beach" on mtv because i enjoy other's drama. i like knowing that i'm not alone in the bullshit that happens to me. same reason i begin reading some journals.
there are a few of you who have been here with me from the beginning and i consider you pen pals... a sort of friend if you will. i value your words and thoughts and am interested in what goes on in your lives. the rest of you... well... i have yet to get to know you.
i am, for all intents and purposes, a self-professed exhibitionist. i am hubristic and egocentric. i freely admit to these things. i do not sugar coat my drama i scream it out here because then i don't have to do it in my real life.
this journal is... above all else... a direct representation of my hurts, fears, and non-linear thoughts.
now then... i have to go get changed for the gym.
iamlearning at 7:50 AM