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about me

PLEASE NOTE... THIS HASN'T BEEN UPDATED IN A VERY LONG TIME... I WILL UPDATE IT SOON. THANKS. 12/12/07 just the facts man... just the facts.

this is my random as hell about me or statistical facts page. i'm a bit less paranoid now but i'm still omitting things anyway... you never know who your stalkers might be. so here goes:

  1. i never capitalize my letters

  2. i do this on purpose because its aesthetically pleasing to me

  3. i'm a mother of 2 boys

  4. i had my first child when i was 21 and my second when i was 29

  5. i am tattooed over a good 1/2 or more of my body

  6. i'm sort of crazy and not always in a good way

  7. i used to write a lot of poetry but not anymore

  8. i am most inspired when my life is going horribly wrong

  9. i've been married two times

  10. i've cheated on 2 of my loves

  11. i regret both instances and wish i hadn't done it

  12. i don't believe the old adage: once a cheater always a cheater

  13. i believe in free will and personal responsibility

  14. i love warm weather

  15. i hate living in a state where it snows

  16. i'm an exhibitionist

  17. i love being naked

  18. i'm vain and sometimes huberistic

  19. i don't deny being vain but i know it's not a great aspect of my personality

  20. sometimes i really don't like myself simply based on the above statement

  21. i was once a cheerleader in high school

  22. my favorite color is green

  23. i swear like a sailor

  24. i trust very few people and will not hesitate to cut people off if i know they've harmed me

  25. i don't have many female friends

  26. i love my friends as if they were family

  27. i hate my sister 1 with a passion

  28. i will never talk to her again if i can help it

  29. i love my brother 1 with a fierceness which transcends language

  30. i would die for my husband, children, or brother 1

  31. i have 4 brothers and 2 sisters

  32. i'm the oldest of all my siblings

  33. i hate my mother with a passion, which (as of yet) is unparalleled

  34. i have issues with trust, honesty, and love

  35. i'm learning as i grow older that maybe i don't really hate anyone...

  36. i sometimes don't eat... on purpose

  37. i have never had an eating disorder though

  38. i always remember my bad dreams and rarely my good ones

  39. i do drugs on fridays but only on fridays and even then not EVERY friday

  40. my drug of choice is ecstasy even though' i'm well aware of the holes it pokes in my brain

  41. i haven't done illegal drugs since 11/11/05

  42. my family has a history of mental illness, alcoholism, and domestic violence

  43. i don't think that these facts are unusual in our society

  44. i like myself on most days

  45. i think i look more and more like my mother as i grow older

  46. this disturbs me on so many levels

  47. i once had breast implants for 11 months

  48. i hated everything about them, cried for 6 of the months, decided to remove them, and am glad they are gone

  49. i learned to love my body AS IS through that experience

  50. i will likely never have any other plastic surgery

  51. i don't cook too often and thusly my family eats out most meals

  52. i often don't think i'm a good mother but i couldn't tell you why i feel that way

  53. my favorite number is 8

  54. i like that number because it has no end

  55. i used to read a lot of books before i had children

  56. i want to be a racecar driver when i grow up

  57. i hope to never grow up

  58. i often feel like a soccer mom but i have lots of tattoos which negates this image

  59. i like the contradiction of those images

  60. i enjoy being the center of attention

  61. i'm loud, boisterous, and mildly obnoxious when drinking

  62. i cry a lot... often for reasons i cannot explain with an origin i do not understand

  63. i love my life as it is now

  64. i have a dog who is a pitbull/rotweiler mix (3/4 and 1/4, respectively)

  65. he's the most awesome dog i've ever had

  66. i have another dog who is a boston terrier and a bit psychotic but i love him anyway

  67. i love diamonds and own a few

  68. my favorite flowers are daisies

  69. my second favorite being red roses

  70. my third favorite being orchids

  71. i will never live in a trailer park or a ranch style home

  72. saltine crackers are my favorite snack in the whole world

  73. i love candy and eat it almost everyday

  74. i like to watch porn where the woman is subservient and submissive

  75. i love gangster movies

  76. i once wanted to be a secondary english teacher

  77. then i realized i didn't like kids enough

  78. i want to travel the world before i die

  79. i am a optimist trapped in the mind of a fatalist

  80. i am agnostic but i am constantly searching for enlightenment and proof of a god... any god

  81. i always present myself as confident even when i'm not feelin' it

  82. i enjoy sex a lot and have learned my body well enough to climax each and every time

  83. i also like anal sex with my husband... i've never really liked it with anyone else

  84. i love sappy mainstream movies as well as raunchy porn

  85. i enjoy the pain of a tattoo and think that it's the biggest part of the reason i get them

  86. the longest i've ever sat for a tattoo was 8 hours and it was for the outlines of the dragons on my back

  87. i will NEVER sit that long for a tattoo again

  88. i hate the word "tat" and i internally scoff at those that say it even tho' i feel like an asshole for doing it

  89. i'm a bit of a purse/tattoo/jeans snob

  90. this is not the end of the list... i'm just pausing for now...

if you want to know more about me... keep reading...

i have this unquenchable need to confess my evil doings to any ears that will hear them. i need to confess it over and over again... the purpose of this is still very unclear to me. i don't know what i'm searching for... i don't know who's forgiveness i'm craving.

i guess maybe i'm looking for reassurance that i'm not a bad person. reassurance that i'm ok even tho' i did this terrible thing.

i don't know what my problem is.

husband has forgiven me yet i still feel the need to confess my sins to any ears that have not heard it. i want people to know that i'm a bad person and see if they still stick by me once they've found me out. i guess. i dunno. it's all so confusing and painful to go over and over again in my mind.

i think too much. i know this... i've been told this... but i have this insane desire to understand all there is to understand about myself and why i do the things i do. i need to understand and analyze all the things that make me... me.

lame.

ABOUT ME